I felt strong today morning. I had shared my post and I told a friend I loved him. I felt empowered for some reason I can’t quite put a finger on. That feeling is gone now and I feel terribly alone. I want to be held. I want to curl up and let no one see my tears. I want to hug another human and feel another body against mine. Terrifyingly, I am so used to this emotions it feels safer. I don’t know the girl who was racing with her friends on the beach the other day. I don’t know who I am when I am laughing and making my friends laugh. This sadness is what I know now. I was to meet someone today evening but it didn’t happen. I was looking forward to it because I knew I was going to hug someone. This embarrasses me to even admit that. You know people care about you but it doesn’t do anything for you. Somehow I can’t feel it. This loneliness is overwhelming me and I just want it to stop. I need it to stop.