I was burning an incense nutmeg stick, I was dancing to music and doing a cleansing face mask. I thought I’d add to all these good vibes an orgasm or too. So, I got out my vibrator and got it started. I was just about to reach the first plain of Os when it died on me. A year of free vibrations because the charger died and it stood by me all this time not it has died. The music suddenly said we can do without batteries, it’s a Sia song and I burst out laughing like okay Sia, okay.
I am better today. I have not been for the past four days. I am trying to be good to myself. It is rather hard if you imagine, to deny yourself love that you can so willingly give unto others. It is self-emotional abuse. Nobody can be harder on me than I am. Nobody can destroy me the way I can destroy me. It removes any power from any human but that is beside the point. In the situation I was in I did mess up, it was not intentional. I also admit that I should not be drinking. Three of the people who helped me that evening are telling me not to be hard on myself and to be good to me. It does make me feel better.
I make my own realities, I am not a victim of circumstance. I am a good person who messed up, does not make me a bad person. I do not owe any one any explanation nor do I seek forgiveness. I will make peace with myself with time. Also, nobody can judge me harder than I can so shove your judgement up your ass.